Military Humour :)

A young Marine officer was in a serious car accident, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears, which were amputated. Since he wasn’t physically impaired he remained in the Marines and eventually rose to the rank of General. He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance.

One day the General was interviewing three Marines for his personal aide. The first was an aviator, and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?”

The young officer answered, “why yes, sir. I couldn’t help but notice that you have no ears.”

The General got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out.

The second interview was with a female Lieutenant, and she was even better. The General asked her the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?”

She replied, “Well, sir, you have no ears.”

The General threw her out also.

The third interview was with a Marine Gunny. He was articulate, looked extremely sharp and seemed to know more than the two officers combined. The General wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?”

To his surprise the Gunny said, “Yes sir; you wear contact lenses.”

The General was very impressed and thought, what an incredibly observant Gunny, and he didn’t mention my ears.

“And how do you know that I wear contacts?” The General asked.

The sharp-witted Gunny replied, “Well, sir, it’s pretty hard to wear glasses with no damn ears.”

*******************************************************************************************

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists. two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!”
The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. “This gun is loaded with blanks”, she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

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