“What is addiction to old memories and thoughts?”
“An addiction is when we are occupied with or involved in something… Be it smoking or thinking….
Our unconscious and conscious thinking is a matter of routine. We cannot just stop thinking.
However, the addiction comes in when we start to ‘live’ it, by addictively replaying the same mental patterns and same old stories, over and over in our heads…”
“This mental chatter and clutter does not let us have lasting peace.. The thinking of past, if addictive, is also a cause of suffering…. Like, if someone is feeling unhappy or troubled, they sure will be thinking about something. Thinking and suffering are therefore inseparable….”
“What are the negative effects..?”
“Some of them are:-
1. Denial. It is a hole in perception. Life problems may be acknowledged, but denial brings into play other thinking distortions to explain them. For instance, problems may be thought of as caused by other people, not the addiction, and so a pattern of blaming develops in one’s thinking and belief system. Or, one may see problems in one’s own behavior but will use justification.
2. Minimizing. It is the reverse of making a mountain out of a molehill. It takes a large problem like addiction and pretends it’s not such a big deal. It allows a bad situation to continue and to get worse.
3. Redefining. It diverts attention away from the subject and labels the problem as something else.
4. Being vague. It stops or slows down communication, by giving little clear information that can be addressed.
6. Inability to form and maintain healthy relationships, due to being boxed into a corner where we cling to our addiction, and struggle against anyone who threatens it.”
“Hmmm.. How to avoid it…?”
“Its difficult… However, not impossible. The practical routines break our mental patterns through involvement in activities other than thinking. Try following:-
1. See and analyze every situation dispassionately.
2. Thoughts, feelings and emotions come and go. They might have been pleasant and unpleasant, or desirable and undesirable. The bottom-line is to step out in the world of reality.”
3. Never suppress the thoughts. Make the best out of them, and apply in life. Instead of looking away from your problems, look towards them and learn from them.
4. Get involved in what you love to do…”
“Don’t you think it’s perfectly okay to remember the past addictively, as long as the person is not affecting the outside world negatively….!”
“It might be okay if the person was only thinking… 🙂 …. However, addictive thinking while not channelizing the thoughts harms the person himself. Secondly, over-thinking increases stress.”
“Hmmmmm…… Tell me, why it is so difficult to apply all the good solutions? Why is it that you feel so easy to tell about solutions, yet I find it so difficult to apply them? Why is it that all the terms, researches, good talks and messages of hope do not bring happiness..? Why is it that we do not get desired fruitful results from each word of goodness and sanity…?
“Because, there is a catch in every solution of all sorts of problems…?”
“And that is..?
“The human element….”
“The words, medicines, solutions, etc do not work if applied without the human element.
Want to solve addiction? Get in touch with humans…”
“Because….. The problem was caused due to human beings… It will only be cured through human beings…. 🙂 … + You think the addiction is of thoughts! My dear, addiction of thoughts is actually the addiction of humans attached to those thoughts…”
“I want to discuss a problem Sir, that is costing me every bit of my calm and poise…”
“Sure Dear Sister….. Is it about a person, or an event, or an idea…?”
“Ahan.. Then you must have at least some degree of involvement, or may I say you are responsible for the issue to at least some extent… 🙂 ..”
“That was smart….!
Anyways, the issue is…. This person – Mr X – is trying to be close… Real close…. And I feel it is not appropriate…”
“How are you introduced to him..?”
“Through social media… First it was through blog, then we got in touch over emails…. Then he added me into a Whatsapp group…”
“It’s been quite sometime that I feel that he may cross the line on one or the other pretext… Although I know my limits, however, his attitude does not appear to be very clean to me… At the same time, he had not crossed the line so far… But, I think, he is to me what he is… However, the relationship is two-years’ old, and he is one of the very very few people I trust in my life…. + He has always been supportive to me…”
“… 🙂 …. Do you know this guy… I mean do you really know him…?”
“Yes… But only through social media and internet…”
“With the amount of trust you’ve posed in him, do you know his family…?”
“Does your family know him….?”
“… 🙂 …. That’s a litmus test to itself…. You say you know him well; still you feel he may cross the line… You’ve never met him and his family…. Your family doesn’t know a bit about this whole thing…!… Still you say, that a ‘relationship’ exists, which is now 2 years of age…. Wow….”
“Yes… But please don’t take it in a negative way”
Internet is a tricky business… Social media is even trickier…
You’ve got to remember one thing: people are not what they appear to be on social media or web.”
“So, what should I do…?”
“When we talk of limits, we talk of character…. When we talk of character, we talk of a person’s real face…. And to know his real face, you’ve got to know him… Just a quick tip: If someone is in even a sacred & straight interaction with you like that of a teacher and student or like that of a doctor and patient, but his family and your family doesn’t know about it, better to review it all….”
“But why stress on family…?”
“Because, limits are defined by values….. And you know why the word ‘family’ is used with ‘values’..?”
“Because, ‘values’ are those things which we consider ‘valuable’….”
میرا کام ہو گیا۔ بہت شکریہ۔
ہم نے تو بس کچھ فون گھمائے۔ اللہ نے اجر کیا۔ یہ کام ہونا ہی تھا، اللہ نے ہمارے ذریعے کر لیا۔ ہمیں آپ کی نظر میں بہتر کر دیا۔ سب تعریفیں اُسی کے لئے ہیں۔
جی جی۔ اللہ کا شکر۔
یہ بات ضروری ہے، کہ ہم اللہ کو صرف یاد نہ کریں۔ بلکہ یاد رکھیں۔
یاد کرنا اور یاد رکھنا ایک ہی تو بات ہے! ہے ناں؟
بڑا فرق ہے۔ یاد کیا عام طور پر موقعوں پر جاتا ہے۔ یاد رکھا ہمیشہ جاتا ہے۔
کِسی کے ایمان کو جانچنے کی کسوٹی کیا ہے؟
آپ کِسی کا ایمان کیوں جانچنا چاہتے ہیں؟
پتہ چلنا چاہیئے۔ دودھ کا دودھ، پانی کا پانی۔
ایمان کا تعلق امانت داری سے ہے۔
یقیناً۔ پر آپ کیوں اتنی دلچسپی لینا چاہتے ہیں دوسروں کے ایمان میں؟
میں انہیں راہِ راست پر لانا چاہتا ہوں۔ یہ ہم سب کا فرض ہے۔
اسکے لئے ایک کام کریں۔ اپنے علم کو اپنے عمل پہ فوکس کریں۔ انشاء اللہ افاقہ ہو گا۔
پر دوسروں کا ایمان؟ میں نے تو اس کام کو بہت عرق ریزی سے شروع کیا ہے۔ ایک بلاگ بھی بنایا ہے لوگوں کی رہنمائی کے لئے۔
ڈئیر! رہنمائ ہو چکی، اب عمل باقی ہے۔ بس یہی دین ہے۔ آپ جِتنا لوگوں پہ اپنی توجہ لگائیں گے، اُتنے ہی ایشوز ان میں آپکو نظر آئیں گے۔ بہتر یہی ہو گا، کہ آپ اپنے عمل پر توجہ کریں،، ہمارے نبی ﷺ نے دین کی تبلیغ عمل سے کی تھی، لوگوں کے ایمان کی کسوٹیاں بنا کر / جانچ کر نہیں۔
“Meray liye dua karen….”
“Dua di nahin jaati…. Li jaati hai….
Duaaein liya karo… Earn kiya karo…”
“Iss mein kiya science hai..? Aik hi baat hai… Nahin!”
“Aik baat ka tau pata nahin… Haan itna zaroor hai kay dua wo hai jo dil se niklay… Aah, aur dua, donon ka yehi muaamla hai…”